Lost in Summertime Thoughts Part 1

So I'm sitting here in summerschool, teaching at NOT attending it, wandering through another summer and realizing that I'm nearing both the beloved and dreaded month of August.  I LOVE August because it is usually a fruitful time for making lasting, summertime memories.  This is the time of year we annually attend our church's family camp in Brown City.  I DREAD August because at its end is the beginning of the school year.  Teaching, having a job I enjoy, is not the bad part.  It's just coming out of that time where life is SLOWER PACED, not a blur.

   Summer is not necessarily a restful time for the McCulloch household.  We manage to cram trips, late-night visits with friends, our church's annual vacation Bible school, outdoor projects, get-togethers, and everything else "summerly" into our schedule.   Still, as a school teacher, set aside one month of summer school, there are more moments to reflect, think, to assess than the school year.  Yet I wonder if that is just by choice, I chooses to make time for reflection, for some rest during June, July, and August, and perhaps I need to make a more concerted effort to reflect, rest, assess life during the school year.  It's that summer mindset versus the school year mindset.

   This summer has offered some WHOPPERS of God speaking into my heart, prodding my thoughts, and offering some incisive challenges to how I view myself and how I live my life.

Here are a few of the many reflections/realizations that the summer of 2012:

LESS TALK AND MORE DOING

   When you're reading a book entitled LOVE DOES (written by Bob Goff and a book I'll probably reference a million times), where one of the main themes is that LOVE is about ACTION not just STATEMENTS, major, life-changing themes are liable to seep into one's heart, soul, and mind.  And this just seems to be theme this summer.

  I find that I am A LOT of talk and very little action.  And it's not that I don't have the most earnest of intentions, but for a multitude of reasons I often find that I'm more "hype man" than "grunt worker".  I get caught up on the excitment of the potential of a project or time to hang out or being a better dad/husband/brother/son/friend (take your choice), but either an overcrowded schedule or when the reality of my idea finally sinks in or just plain-rotten laziness overcomes me, the hype, like all pop fizz in an open 2-liter of cola, becomes flat.

   Take even this blog. I aspire and dream of writing (and I find that I'm not even sure why on that lately), but I don't ever (except now ....Ha!!) just sit down and write....no matter how raw, incorrect, basic, weird, fake, too transparent the writing/thoughts are.  I dream and talk as if I'm this "WRITER", but I don't just get to it.

  One solution (which I plan to write on further) is to really wage war against my calendar. I've been reading about the power of SIMPLIFICATION, and I feel if I strip away some of the utter nonsense (hours on Facebook, surfing the web, watching shows/movies that nothing short of dribble) and really get at what can form a better life. 

  And this is not an easy change to make....

  Just as I've allowed my once triumphant story of losing weight and becoming healthy to be a repeat episode with recent weight gain, I cannot simply moan my miseries and do nothing.  Change means work and action not just lofty words (either spoken or written). 

Trying Again...

I've hit a slump when everthing around me suggests that I should not be in one.

Beautiful wife, beautiful kids, and I have a job, but I find myself a little down....and very complacent about that state of "down-ness". It just seems that very little is exciting me, and that really, really scares me.

I feel in the areas where I make mistakes or want to overcome something that I am once again "trying".

And it hit me today....it hit me that I am the ONE that is trying. That I am putting this all on me and NOT relying on God. And part of me hates that I'm even having to write that, think that...my ego, my "self", my human side hates having to think that I need to just rely on God. And a little of me feels that it is totally cliche' to admit that I must SIMPLY rely on God.

I wonder if that is the total basis of my problems that I rely so much on ME to figure everything out.

I'm scared that aspects of God....church, service for the Kingdom, worship....are BORING me. That's a dangerous confession right there.

And I'm scared that I always claim to be "trying again", but perhaps that is the point of this middle of the night of reflection. That having just an ounce of that interest, that flicker of DESIRING to be better is so much better than the other alternative....simply giving up.

And I have felt very close to those dark waters of just wanting to walk away from everything that I've known and claimed to have hope in for so long. But isn't this the best place to be? Open to what God has in store for me and simply being willing to TRUST?

While I hate being in this spot of "trying again", I am grateful for the hope and grace and the possibility in what tomorrow holds.

And again....

So again, I find myself reflecting on HOW ON EARTH I am AGAIN totally irritable, totally worn out, totally defeated in the sense that I feel unhappy and agitated at everything and everyone.  It is, of course, the end of the school year, and for those connected to public schools education, you know the treachorous terrain known as the END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.
  And I am sad that I feel that I am NOT the person I began this year as....I am NOT the person I had hoped to be at the end of the school year....I am NOT myself.  I know this. I can feel this in every sense of my being.
  I have lost direction. I have stopped asking for direction. 

  It is time to have hope again.

  It is time to renew, refocus, and rediscover what there is to be truly grateful for again.

Enjoy what today holds....

A repeating thought, off and on, in my heart and mind lately has been to enjoy what I have NOW.  Being a high school teacher, I know that it will not be long until my kids, who are all elementary ages or younger, will be zooming through their four years of high school.  I woke up this morning and thought about how Logan, who will be ten year old this summer, has lived more than half the amount of time that he'll probably reside in my house, assuming that he moves out for college when he is eighteen.

  A friend of my wife and mine has a daughter that turned eleven this week. Eleven?!?!  Where is time going?!?!?

  So the other day, when my brother Tim "facebooked" me about going sledding on a mid-Winter holiday, I knew that I had to put aside my qualms about having to carry Sawyer up a hill, which would most likely destroy my back.  I had to not think about that cold, sharp window scratching my face. I had to find a way to go. Not just for spending time with my kids, I also wanted to hang out with my brother, Tim.  I have allowed life to become a raging river in the deep canyons of busy-ness.  It has been totally my choice, and it is not that I am not enjoy the many things I participate in. I love directing drama, working with the youthgroup, going on trips with my family. Still, I'm feeling that call to SLOW DOWN.

  So on Monday, February 21, 2011, Tim, myself, Logan, Sawyer, Quaid (Scout was at a friend's birthday party), Abby, and Grace all ascended the mighty (little) hills of Palmer Park in Port Huron.  We descended the hills a few times, wearing in NEW tracks into the hills. Not suprisingly, the kids became more interested in playing "snow war" on the outdoor jungle gym than sledding.  Afterwards, we headed to Tim Horton's for donuts and hot chocolate.

  These are the days I love and cherish.

50 NEW Recipes Challenge- #7 Garlic Crusted Chicken from Jamie Oliver's

I pretty much stink at keeping up with my little challenges.  Nearly a year ago, I became convinced that I could cook and blog about fifty (50) NEW recipes.  I've always loved to cook, but my skills were mainly confined to El Ortega Taco kits and short order cook extroardinaire (I cook some mean hamburgers or grilled chicken.) 
  My love for cooking stems from time with one of the GREAT cooks I knew, my grandma  Russell. Well, as with other challenges I did not do so well in keeping up with the challenge. I DID cook a number of new recipes, but I did not keep up with my blog. 
  Fall 2010, with the hectic nature of my schedule, saw a slump in home cooking.  Now that my schedule is slightly slowing down, I'm hoping to be more in the kitchen. Last night I returned with a Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution cook book. 

It was an "interesting" experience.

The recipe called for a coating mixed up in my NINJA food processor.... unsalted crackers, garlic cloves, lemon rind, parsley, and butter.  The lemon rind was my first challenge because I have never done anything with lemon rind.  I actually had to google what this lemon rind thing was all about. Using a potato peeler, I peeled the yellow "rind" part off the lemon. 

  After processing the coating for the chicken,  I had to pummel the chicken breat filets with my "cooking hammer". I was suppose to (and usually) put the chicken into a plastic bag, but wanting to keep moving, I just whacked the heck out of that chicken with bits and pieces flying around the room.
  After the chicken was prepped, the "fun" began.  The chicken is suppose to take a "voyage" from a plate of flour (being entirely covered) to a bowl of beaten eggs to a plate with the parsley/garlic/crackers mixture.

I NEVER do well with coating chicken.  By the time the flour and egg are "coating" the chicken I already have a huge mess on me, the floor, the counter.  Then, I'm suppose to COAT THE CHICKEN WITH THIS GREEN, CRACKER, BUTTERY mix?!?!?  BUTTERY MIX on top of EGG COVERED RAW CHICKEN?!?  Somehow , I managed to somewhat "cake" the green mixture onto the chicken breast. 
  From there I lobbed, the chicken into a frying pan coated with a few dribbles of olive oil. 

  I was nervous how all this would taste (and had a battle with cooking without burning the chicken).  Surprisingly, the chicken turned out very good....more parsley tasting than garlic but still very good.

  When Logan discovered the breading was greenish (from the parsley ), after finishing off a bowl of salad WITH the chicken in it, he was done. Still, Amber and I, and the kids for the most part, enjoyed this new dish.

With a New Year....A Refreshed Focus

   I've already found the beginning hours of 2011 to be surprisingly reflective.  To sum up the events, emotions, memories of 2010 would be nearly impossible.  Overall, many hear-breaking circumstances have transformed to renewed hope.  Even with this breath of fresh life, healing hearts, I recognize that life never makes itself....PERFECT.  I also believe that what is really PERFECT is the PERFECTION that trials and hardships bring.
   In these infant hours of a new year, I've reflected on the reality of who I really am.  I'm committed to really plant my heart and soul into what I TRULY believe in.  More and more lately, I've reflected on the fact that were given one life.  What do I want to accomplish with this life?
   And it is fine to keep mulling over this question of one's purpose in life, but it is ENTIRELY different to ACT upon it....to really SEEK and MOVE towards living life with purpose. 

  I've reflected again on the need to simplify....to find that FOCUS on what's most important in life.  We can say it, but do we mean it.  It's easy to say God, my family, integrity at work, being a solid, dependable friend are my priorities, but are they really?  And again, I can sit and ponder how I am and am not REALLY reflecting these proposed priorities, but am I really doing anything about them?

  I think the larger urgency/"call to action" is to stop pondering and dissecting every morsel of the past.  There comes a time to transcend pain, transcend hurt, to look above, to simply trust, to simply trust, to SIMPLY TRUST God.

  I have often thought about what I feed into my heart and soul.....what is informing me, guiding me.  There comes a point where I cannot EMBRACE every ideology.  And I believe that recently I have really been swayed by consumerism...by what will "supposedly make my life easier....better".  I have always looked ahead to the future, the NEXT BIG EVENT...again my spirit and heart have been nudged to consider the wonder and greatness of the simplicity of today.

  May this be a remarkable year where I'm swayed by the right guidance. May the focus be straightforward, heading the direction always intended for me....."Brothers, I do not consider myself to have embraced it yet. But this one thing I do: Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead....." Phillipians 3:13.

Moving Beyond Frozen

Well, it is the second snow day in a row, so I have some of that elusive "free time".  I always find a rich irony in the fact that I teach reading and writing, encourage students to write whenever they can, and I've taken courses on writing "blogs and wikis", but when I look at the last entry, it's from nearly nine months ago.
   It's 10 degrees out right now and the wind is really stirring up the now that fell on Sunday and late last night.  Once again, we're in the midst of the busy holiday season.  All of our kids are fully into the "magic" and "wonder" of the season. We've been observing Advent with a calendar, minus the chocolates, each night.  Each door reveals a section of Scripture, mainly Luke 2 snippets.  It's been really cool to spend a few minutes discussing the magnificent importance of Jesus' arrival over 2,000 years ago.  At 36, I'm still trying to fathom the huge significance of God coming down to our human planet.

We had a visit from Santa at my brother Jon's house. It's become an annual tradition, although Santa was sick last year and only Mrs. Claus was able to stop by.  Watching the wonder and childlike innocence thaws the maturity of my own heart and reminds me of the fun of being a kid during the holidays. It was really sweet watching Logan, Scout, Quaid and Sawyer interact with Santa.

I've been thinking much about goals and dreams, God-given visions.  I was looking at the ministry of Josh Seller in Ontario...seeing all of the great and creative things he is doing for the kingdom.  Heading over to Jars of Clay's website,  I see how they have finished the building of their 1,000 clean water well in Africa.  Reading Max Lucado's OUTLIVE YOUR LIFE, I've been considering what legacy I'm leaving. 
  SELFISHNESS--While I'll write this, I certainly have not mastered it...."I'm pretty selfish."  Even in my daily procedures and choices, I realize that I'm pretty concerned about my own needs and desires.  I don't want my selfishness to dictate the type of legacy I leave behind. How often I'm focused on my own entertainment, what sounds good to eat....and I realize that there are GREATER things to devote my money, time, and dreams too.  Even directing the drama club at my school has been a consideration lately.  What is the LEGACY I'm leaving behind with the drama group?  I know the "greater good" that CAN come from directing this group, but is it really happening?  There have been shows that I felt really made a connection/impact to the audience and to the cast and crew (ANNE FRANK, LEAVING IOWA), and I'm NOT against entertaining for entertainment's sake.  Still, I worry that I'm going after what I THINK is my life's purpose and NOT God's.  Theater is great, but there are people hungry, hurting, and aching for God. Am I doing what GOD WANTS me to do??
  And I've thought a great deal about "spinning my tires in the frozen slush of life".  I feel a little bit like I"m lacking VISION, so I'm praying that God gives me a clear vision.  I don't want to just meander through life.  I know that legacy living HAS TO BE MORE than just wishing, dreaming, or talking about it....it's about living it out today. 

50 NEW Recipes In 2010- #6 Olive Garden's Homemade Alfredo Sauce with Chicken

My Grandma Russell always did an odd thing when went to restaurants of a "finer dining". Usually, and I cannot recall at this moment exactly where, these restaurants would feature a little bit of parsley next to the entree.  While conventional approaches to this garnish would be to simply admire its "decor" on the plate, my Grandma would snatch up everyone's parsley, wrap it in a napkin, and place it in her purse.  I don't recall totally why.  It may have been simply to provide a garnish on her own plate. 

Tonight, I returned to my cookbook, America's Most Wanted Recipes, and found myself cutting up that one green garnish my grandma loved to snatch off the table...Parsley.  The parsley mattered very little in the grander scheme of things because my past experiences with sauces that involve melting cheese into them has not always been great.  I've made a few nacho cheese sauces and sauces for homemade Macaroni and Cheese that were more reminiscent of sawdust gravy than anything remotely I was attempting. 
   And tonight's cheese ingredients were not in the usual McCulloch family dining budget.  Last night, while my wife was perusing the bread at Meijer's, I snuck in a a little bar of Romano cheese.  Romano is NOT a cheese that sits next to the American cheese slices that we use for grilled cheese sandwiches.  I found the Romano in the "expensive cheese section" near the deli.  This little wedge of Romano cost me $6.24.  For the McCulloch budget, this is expensive.  The alfredo sauce also included Romano, Parmesan, heavy cream (my first time working with "HEAVY" cream), milk, egg yolk, garlic powder. 

   I didn't double check the amount of cheese to be put in, so instead of putting a 1/2 cup EACH of Parmesan and Romano, I put in a FULL cup EACH.  So the kids and Amber got to have a little "cheesier" version of the sauce.
   One of the BEST parts of making dinner tonight was getting help from my "little chef" Logan.  Usually, Scout is the only one that I can tempt into the kitchen to help me.  She LOVE helping me, and surprisingly, she never surfaced the whole time Logan helped me.  Logan grated cheese, turned over the grilled chicken. mixed ingredients, used the colander to strain the angel hair noodles, and peeled the potatoes.  It was a great time just having him there to help, and he was very, very eager to be my assistant (Of course, he has my dominant personality.)  I loved it.
  So recipe #6 I'm reporting on was a HUGE success and enjoyed by everyone....Homemade Alfredo Sauce over Angel Hair noodles with breaded chicken...yummmmmm!

50 NEW Recipes In 2010- #4 Applebee's Chicken Grande Quesadilla and #5 Chili's Salsa

Again, catching up here....last Tuesday (March 9), I began cooking out of a new little cookbook I bought from Barnes and Nobles, America's Most Wanted Recipes: Delicious Recipes from Your Family's Favorite Restaurants.  In this book, you can find "copycat" recipes that claim to have broken the sacred, secret codes of famous recipes from national food chains, like Chilis, Outback, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and Applebees. There are countless books out there that cover this topic, and it occurred to me tonight that I have actually gotten many of these types of recipes from online sources.  I could have saved myself a little bit of money.
   Having been out of the kitchen for nearly two weeks due to Tech Week rehearsals at the East China PAC for TO  KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, I went a little crazy in the kitchen that night.  Not only did I help my little daughter, Scout, make cupcakes for her First grade class, but I also made three new entrees.  Two of those are featured in this blog (#4 and #5 for my yearly challenge), and the third will be in the next one.
     Having not a great deal of time to round up supplies from our local Krogers, I was limited in what I could take on for my first slew of recipes.  Also, I did not want to make anything that would have long prep times.  We usually eat between 4:30 p.m. and 5:30 p.m. due to the fact that our children usually go to bed by 7:30 p.m.  With all of this into consideration, I decided to tackle Applebee's Chicken Grande Quesadilla and Chili's Salsa.  I am a huge fan of Chili's salsa, and I discovered that it probably has more to do with how fresh their chips are when eating their salsa than just the salsa.  The salsa has a great deal of canned tomatoes that are pureed.  Also, I got to add "cumin" to the salsa as well as diced jalepenos (which were a suprising part of the supposed recipe).  I fired up my Ninja food processor I received this past Christmas, and I was very happy with how the salsa came out and seems to be very much like the original Chili's salsa (except without the awesome, salty, deep-fried chips).
    I have made quesadillas many times before.  They are a quick dinner at the McCulloch ranch, but I have never followed such an extensive recipe.  Diced tomatoes, jalepenos, bacon (which I cooked and crumbled fresh for this dish), grilled chicken, and then came the interesting ingredient (among others)....chipotle sauce. Once again I found how much I wished I was closer to a Meijers or even Super Walmart, as finding a bottle of Chipotle sauce became a quest of its own at Krogers.  I DID find some, but I'm not sure if it is ACTUALLY authentic chipotle sauce. The bottle claims to have something to do with buffalo wing sauce, but much of the wordage on the bottle is in Spanish.  I assumed I found what I needed.  The chipotle (buffalo?) sauce coats the flour tortilla. 
   It was very cool making and eating both new additions to the McCulloch canon of recipes.  My kids stuck with the simple chicken and cheese jalepenos, while Amber and I struggled to put down the monstrous (due to the fact that you use 12" shells filled with a ton of ingredient) quesadillas.  Very, very yummy.  I'm anxious to try more of these "secret" recipes this week!!

50 NEW Recipes In 2010- #3 London Fog (Earl Grey Latte)

So when you are directing a high school theater production of TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, attempting to be a teacher, husband and father of four children, AND taking an online class, you just don't find much time to cook, let alone, post anything on your blog to show what you have cooked.

  Despite being away from my tiny little kitchen due to two weeks of tech on TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, I have managed in the past months to occassionally put together something new in my kitchen, in addition to the regular dishes I like to rotate.  So Starbucks has this amazing tea latte I stumbled upon one morning at our local Meijers over a year ago.  It's called the LONDON FOG.  I might have even had it first when hanging out with friends over the 2008 Christmas break.  It is not a permanent part of their drink menu, but I have yet, over the past year, to run into a barista at Starbucks that cannot make this sweet, vanilla drink. 
   Basically it is Earl Grey tea, which my Grandma Russell raised me on, with vanilla syrup and steamed, frothy milk.  Not having purchased an espresso maker or milk steamer/frother, I have to follow these "old school" instructions of making my own frothy, steamed milk....microwave for a minute and then whisk in a bowl until frothy. 
   While the drink is NOT quite up to Starbucks standards, my wife and I have enjoyed these sweet little tea drinks a few times.  A milk frother or steamer is on my "wish list."  You'll note that we also made cinnamon rolls to go with this batch of "frothy" London Fog.  I just like the word "frothy."

50 NEW Recipes In 2010- #2 Stuffed Chicken Breast

I must be really craving ricotta cheese this week because I tried a SECOND recipe this week that had ricotta cheese as one of its main ingredients. This one did NOT take as long as the lasagna recipe from Monday night. The only thing that baffled me with this one was creating the "pockets" for the ricotta, sun-dried tomatoe, basil, and garlic stuffing. It was really quite a simple little recipe.

I know Amber and Michelle, my sister-in-law, appreciated the lower calorie dish. Scout liked it, and my three boys were unsure. Of course, Logan doused his in Italian dressing (Ketchup was not an option this time for him.)

This recipe also came from the February 2010 Family Circle magazine. I will do this one again also. I just need to get my paring knife skills down.

50 NEW Recipes 2010- #1 Homemade Lasagna

On Monday night, I decided to make my first batch of lasagna from a recipe (this link omits that the meat can be a mix of veal, pork, and ground beef) in the February 2010 issue of Family Circle. I failed to look at how the recipe laid out how much time ACTUALLY is needed to prep and cook (Hey, I'm a guy. What do you expect?). Normally, my kids and I eat at 5:00/5:30 p.m. at the latest. By the time I spent three plus hours prepping, cooking, and baking, it was nearly 7:00 p.m., and my kids' bedtime is at 7:30 p.m.

Well, it was definitely worth the wait. Thanks to the aid of my brother, Joe, I was able to move things along in the kitchen. It was very yummy lasagna. While it had a great deal of meat, using more italian sausage (I used Bob Evans) than ground beef made it not "quite" as heavy. The sauce is made from a combination of tomato paste, crushed tomatoes, sauteed onions and garlic, and fresh basil. I served this with a fresh spinach and cherry tomatoe salad.

I will definitely make this again.

Morning Insights

It's been sometime since I've written on my blog. I certainly had hoped to become this prolific writer here. This is one of those rare, unplanned little blogs. It's 6:50 a.m.. I've been awake for just a few moments, mulling over some of the hurt and pain that have accompanied my heart and soul this summer. Most of it has had to do with tension within the greater McCulloch family, which has certainly brought tension into my little home in Port Huron.
By all accounts, when considering everything that Amber, the kids and I have done this summer, this should go down as one of the greatest summer ever. We've gone to the zoo, camped in my in-laws backyard, had a great time at Brown City church camp, spent time with friends, even got some home projects done, and went on several great trips (Grand Rapids, Greenfield Village day, and perhaps Mackinac Island next week). Despite the great memories, I've been clearly in a funk that seem to have begun earlier this year. Anxiety, at least that is again what appears to have been giving me some of the weird issues I've been facing, has reared its ugly head off and on. Despite evolving into the best physical condition I've been in for some time, I've had strange moments this summer. Not getting along with my parents, not seeing them has been tough. To add to this, while at Brown City Camp, I had a sermon on relationships from Pastor Steve DeNeff that basically challenged me to make peace, but I feel like the lone crusader in this area. I realize and agree with the perspective of others in this family tension, but I still feel this insistent spirit to forgive, to move on. And this has happened before, so I'm hesistant to restart the whole cycle of hurt, anger, bitterness, and quick forgivness and then hit repeat again, and again, and again.
But this morning, as I've sensed before, when I begin to wonder why there is such pain. What the purpose would be for the agonizing hours, a wonderful thought occurs to me. There would be no way that I would have matured, have drawn closer to God, and realized some of the weak areas within my own life without this valley. I desire God's counsel and direction more than anything else right now. Without these conflicts, I pretty certain that I would have had a "lazy" spriritual summer, that I would have slowly drifted into certain sins, not caring as much to draw closer to God. Pain has this wonderful cleaning effect about our vision and our perspective. It pokes you and prods you to consider things you might have not. There have definitely have been those moments of anger and questioning to God, but this morning I found a peace in the fact that I'm depending more on God than I would have if not for this darker hours. And one perspective I certainly have gained is that my problems are so minor compared to those of others whose faith is strong. Thank you God for remaining by me and forging my faith to become something more real and not superficial and commonplace.

Logan's Eighth Birthday Party

Fresh from our camping trip at the Varty's house (translation...recovering from the exhaustion of camping), we decided to take advantage of Ci Ci's Kid's Night and held Logan's eighth birthday party there. After some quick Facebook messages and phone calls, we got family and some of Logan's friends together for his birthday party. Ci' Ci's had a really cool party room with decorated tables. Amber and I paid for the kids' meals, which with pop ended up being only $2.00 each. We also supplied the kids with quarters for the game room. What was even cooler about this Kid's Night was that they now had a clown that did balloon animals. How awesome was that for the kids?!?


Logan seemed to have a really good time with his buddies, like Wesley, Megan, and Christian. I believe ALL of his cousins were there, including Dylan and Camden. Transformers, racing cars, camping equipment, and G. I. Joe were the big toys of the evening.

Luckily, I stumbled across this very sweet birthday cake that was frosted and put together to look like one of Logan's favorite food items...a huge hamburger. Logan got a kick out of that cake.

After being stuffed to the max on pizza, cheese stix, and cinnamon rolls, we somehow managed to add in some birthday cake.

It is so hard to believe it's been eight years since I got the call in that two-bedroom apartment in Aspen Grove that Amber's water had broken on the ARC bus. I still remember rushing to Rite Aid on Michigan Avenue and running around, and looking for throw away cameras. I remember just being in a whirlwind, not knowing what lay ahead. Those were some of the best days of my life. I just love the way Logan sounded when he let out his first cries. Now he's my tough soccer-playing, swimming, God-loving, little man. I love my little man.

Living Life Challenge #4- Jumping Into a Pond

I have never been much for jumping into a pond with a mucky, muddy, slime-covered bottom, much less one that also features fish as inhabitants to the body of water I'm entering. Swimming at the beach is fine. Swimming in a lake is fine, but I rarely enter a body of water where the chances of me making contact with a fish are high. Smelling like the fish, after swimming with them, is also not something I enjoy much either.

Still this is the Summer where I wanted to try and do "new things" or try something I have not done in some time. While camping at my in-laws house, my brother-in-law Travis, among everyone else, wondered if I'd truly go for a swim. It took a few moments to get me airborne off the dock, but after a little hesistation, I leaped off the little dock and was soon enjoying muck between my toes. I may never return to pond swimming this summer, but I took the plunge.

July 4th Weekend

The Long Holiday Weekend was very much that a long weekend. The greatest part of the weekend was the fact that my nephew, Camden McCulloch, came home on Sunday, July 5th. He gave his parents and whole family a little scare on Friday, as he was transferred to the main Henry Ford Hospital in downtown Detroit. Watching him breathe in the NICU unit was hear-wrenching. Because he was under a bilirubin light, he wore this sleep mask to protect his eyes. Watching from the hallway as he breathed in and out reminded me of my own kids when they were born, how fast they grow up. I wanted to rush home and hold Sawyer Finn. Nothing compares to watching a baby take in each precious breath to underscore how precious and fragile life is. I am so thankful that he is home with his mom and dad.



Before the initial frightening news about Camden on Friday, Amber and Scout went out for some "Mommy and me" time. Amber, from the huge amount of kids that are babysat at our house, wanted to have some one-on-one time with each of the kids. So as she did some shopping and went to Kohl's, she and Scout want out. In the meantime, it was me and my little men. After doing up some scrambled eggs for breakfast and allowing Sawyer his morning nap, we set out to buy Amber a new bike. After grabbing Logan and Quaid a new toy at Target, I began the grueling process of figuring out what bike to get her (Three bikes have lost their pedals while Amber was biking across major roads in our area.) After nearly an hour of agonizing debating, I chose a Schwin for her. It was very cool pulling up and presenting her with her new bike.
Amber and I headed down to Henry Ford to see Camden that night, thanks to her parents coming to the rescue to watch our own kids. After spending several hours visiting with Joe, Michelle, Mike and Patty (Joe's inlaws), and my own parents, Amber and I stopped off at IHOP for a late dinner.

Because mybrother Jon was not having his usual Fourth of July party at his house in Saint Clair and due to Camden being in the hospital, there were no formal plans for celelbrating Independence Day, so.....I cut the grass and cleaned the gutters. In between grass cutting and gutter cleaning, we took the kids on bike ride through downtown Port Huron, had some Subway for lunch, and headed back. I'm trying to clock in miles on the bike and track this summer to get healthier. We did about five miles with the kids. While I cleaned the gutter, Amber took Scout down to Roosevelt to practice riding without training wheels. After getting thoroughly soaked and covered by the grime from the gutters, I cleaned up, and we headed down to Stevi B's on 23 Mile Road for some pizza buffet. We also shopped at Old Navy (really patriotic of us, isn't it?). From there we began a search for sparklers and found that most of the area around 23 Mile Road does not allow for the selling of ANY type of firework. It wasn't until Marysville Meijer that I was able to buy some sparklers and fireworks for the kids.

At home, Logan and Scout, until she burned herself on a sparkler, enjoyed the little firework show and holding their sparklers. Quaid and Sawyer, still traumatized from last week's Acheson firework display, are still frightened of any type of firework. It was great watching the older two play with the sparklers (until the massive mosquito attack).

Sunday was the annual church picnic at Goodell's park. Logan is less excited about the sprinkler park and more intrigued by the jungle gyms. After roasting in the sun, we left the park and headed to Scoops ice cream parlor. Logan, upon seeing the venue of his seventh birthday party, was convinced that we needed to have his birthday here again. Amber and I enjoyed some Coconut, chocolate almond ice cream (I'm trying to fill my summer with trying new things.) I believe the other kids enjoyed some Superman ice cream and Cake Batter ice cream. We crashed at home (or tried to). We had a second round of sparklers for just Logan and Scout. (Quaid fell asleep at 6:30 p.m. on the new recliner.) As the kids headed to bed, I had only acculated 9,000 steps, so between 8:30 and 10:30, I added, through "some running" and mostly walking fast, 11, 000 steps to make my 20,000 step goal for the day.

Today, I'm really tired.

Living Life Challenge #3- Slip and Slide

At a Saturday afternnoon barbecue and swim party at the Proctor's house, Ryan pulled out a "slip and slide". Despite horror stories of sprained ankles and sore backs, I felt the need to take a plunge or two down it. Normally, I'd just let the kids break a bone.Now here's a horrific sight to behold....

The Great Western Michigan Vacation: Day One

After arriving in Walker, Michigan (10 miles north of Grand Rapids) on Tuesday night, Logan, Scout, Quaid, and I swam while Amber settled in the room with Sawyer. The pool was really cool and being able to swim with no one else around was a plus.

The next morning we headed down to the breakfast area for the free continental breakfast. Better than some hotel chains, we had the option of Belgian Waffles. After breakfast and reading with the kids, we headed to downtown Grand Rapids to check out the children's museum. While small, downtown Grand Rapids still has that big town feel in the center of it.

Today, the children's museum was opening up a new exhibit, "Aunt Daisy's Farm", so it was crowded. Amber and I were very, very impressed with this museum. It was colorful, very interactive, clean, and presented many things for each of the kids to do.

The Battle

This has been a strange week for me. Normally, I loathe writing about any of the personal challenges that I'm facing because I don't want to ever appear weak to anyone that might read my little observations on life. Still, I want to someday in the near future, look back on this entry and say, "Hey, I'm past that now."


The day after Memorial Day, I had just a real "downer" day. I felt depressed with no real obvious reason why. I just felt down...low energy, no drive. It came on fast. Now, I had spent Sunday at Cedar Point with most of my family (Sawyer stayed home with my mom and dad) and spent a good chunk of Memorial Day outside with friends and family at East China Park. Being a red-head, the sun takes it toll on both your complexion (There is no such thing as tanning for me.) and your energy. Wednesday and Thursday were better days, but in the afternoon on my birthday, I started feeling weird pressure headaches and just out of it. Yesterday was okay for the most part, but today was again a challenge.
Right before we were to enter the gymansium as a staff, I started feeeling anxious and out of it. I began pacing a lot (which I've done in the past). This does not make sense for a guy that has been in plays, teaches everyday, has lead worship and VBS...I'm the kind of guy that DOES NOT USUALLY GET FAZED by entering into large crowds. While onstage, I had moments of feeling a little off balance and nerved up, but I managed to get through it. In fact, as commencement wrapped, it felt so good to be done that I felt free and much better.
As I drove home, this temporary high faded quickly. Sometimes when I stand, I have this weird pressure on the sides of my head. I go from feeling tired and yawning to feeling down to feeling like I have NO ENERGY. We even went bike riding tonight (something I enjoy) and I felt at times that I could just like the bike fall over and just collapse.
After some healthy McDonalds (just two McChicken sandwiches and some Diet Coke), I do feel better. I just feel down about these moments. I want to be the very best for Amber, my kids, my job, and my testimony.
The good of this is that I'm having to turn to God (like I should have been doing in the first place.) In a part of a recent sermon I listened to on my Ipod, it was stated that we do not turn to God for strength, for encouragement, for courage itself, and for power. I have to believe, more than the McDonald's and Diet Coke, that God gave me the strength.
It has been a real week of spiritual battles. I have felt very, very depressed about family issues and money issues and health issues. May God grant me that courage to keep moving, just as I HAD to do tonight while riding my bike with three of my precious kids attached to the bike (bike trailer and bike seat). May I honor God with a healthier lifestyle that includes eating better, exercising more, and sleeping better. In fact this entry to my blog is part of that plan, to write about my worries.
Mark Driscoll in a recent sermon stated that in I Peter, we find that ANXIETY is a sin. We are called to cast our anxieties on God. To worry about the future about what is to come is to assume the identity of being God...that we MUST KNOW the future and that we must CONTROL the future. Only God has the right to do this, but I fail to recognize this so often.
Thank you God for these trying times that open my eyes to how much I must let YOU be in control and NOT myself.

Dad Turns Sixty

I'm twenty-five years behind my dad. There's more than simple mathematics behind this. When I got married at twenty-five years of age in 1999, I remember that my dad had turned 50, and I kept thinking about how I was getting married while I was half of my dad's age. I have no idea why this struck me at all, but it did. Perhaps I never really thought about my dad's age before. Ten years later, four kids later, my first decade teaching and my dad is now sixty.
This new age for my dad bothers me. My grandparents, on my dad's side, passed away in their sixties, but my dad, except for his back, is in much better health than they were. I know that this fear of his aging prompts me to want to spend more time with him. I want no regrets, and I feel that as I have grown older we've grown closer.
Saturday night, the day before he "officially" became sixty, we celebrated with a party at my parents. It always seems like another world, a separate lifetime when being at my old home. Some parts of my house look familiar while others don't. It was nice barbecuing on the back deck with Joe and Tim, remembering the many nights, while a college student, that I would sit back there to get some piece of mind, to get refocused. I loved looking at the trees swaying in the wind. It brought a certain type of calm to me.
The party was a good time with relatively low tension (That's a whole 'nother blog entry.) I gave my dad the usual (cd's, dvd, shirt), but I also finally gave him the picture of he and the brothers at the LEAVING IOWA event that was dedicated to him. I wrote a little note about noting those "perfect moments." May the days ahead be full of those "perfect moments."