Lost in Summertime Thoughts Part 1

So I'm sitting here in summerschool, teaching at NOT attending it, wandering through another summer and realizing that I'm nearing both the beloved and dreaded month of August.  I LOVE August because it is usually a fruitful time for making lasting, summertime memories.  This is the time of year we annually attend our church's family camp in Brown City.  I DREAD August because at its end is the beginning of the school year.  Teaching, having a job I enjoy, is not the bad part.  It's just coming out of that time where life is SLOWER PACED, not a blur.

   Summer is not necessarily a restful time for the McCulloch household.  We manage to cram trips, late-night visits with friends, our church's annual vacation Bible school, outdoor projects, get-togethers, and everything else "summerly" into our schedule.   Still, as a school teacher, set aside one month of summer school, there are more moments to reflect, think, to assess than the school year.  Yet I wonder if that is just by choice, I chooses to make time for reflection, for some rest during June, July, and August, and perhaps I need to make a more concerted effort to reflect, rest, assess life during the school year.  It's that summer mindset versus the school year mindset.

   This summer has offered some WHOPPERS of God speaking into my heart, prodding my thoughts, and offering some incisive challenges to how I view myself and how I live my life.

Here are a few of the many reflections/realizations that the summer of 2012:

LESS TALK AND MORE DOING

   When you're reading a book entitled LOVE DOES (written by Bob Goff and a book I'll probably reference a million times), where one of the main themes is that LOVE is about ACTION not just STATEMENTS, major, life-changing themes are liable to seep into one's heart, soul, and mind.  And this just seems to be theme this summer.

  I find that I am A LOT of talk and very little action.  And it's not that I don't have the most earnest of intentions, but for a multitude of reasons I often find that I'm more "hype man" than "grunt worker".  I get caught up on the excitment of the potential of a project or time to hang out or being a better dad/husband/brother/son/friend (take your choice), but either an overcrowded schedule or when the reality of my idea finally sinks in or just plain-rotten laziness overcomes me, the hype, like all pop fizz in an open 2-liter of cola, becomes flat.

   Take even this blog. I aspire and dream of writing (and I find that I'm not even sure why on that lately), but I don't ever (except now ....Ha!!) just sit down and write....no matter how raw, incorrect, basic, weird, fake, too transparent the writing/thoughts are.  I dream and talk as if I'm this "WRITER", but I don't just get to it.

  One solution (which I plan to write on further) is to really wage war against my calendar. I've been reading about the power of SIMPLIFICATION, and I feel if I strip away some of the utter nonsense (hours on Facebook, surfing the web, watching shows/movies that nothing short of dribble) and really get at what can form a better life. 

  And this is not an easy change to make....

  Just as I've allowed my once triumphant story of losing weight and becoming healthy to be a repeat episode with recent weight gain, I cannot simply moan my miseries and do nothing.  Change means work and action not just lofty words (either spoken or written). 

Trying Again...

I've hit a slump when everthing around me suggests that I should not be in one.

Beautiful wife, beautiful kids, and I have a job, but I find myself a little down....and very complacent about that state of "down-ness". It just seems that very little is exciting me, and that really, really scares me.

I feel in the areas where I make mistakes or want to overcome something that I am once again "trying".

And it hit me today....it hit me that I am the ONE that is trying. That I am putting this all on me and NOT relying on God. And part of me hates that I'm even having to write that, think that...my ego, my "self", my human side hates having to think that I need to just rely on God. And a little of me feels that it is totally cliche' to admit that I must SIMPLY rely on God.

I wonder if that is the total basis of my problems that I rely so much on ME to figure everything out.

I'm scared that aspects of God....church, service for the Kingdom, worship....are BORING me. That's a dangerous confession right there.

And I'm scared that I always claim to be "trying again", but perhaps that is the point of this middle of the night of reflection. That having just an ounce of that interest, that flicker of DESIRING to be better is so much better than the other alternative....simply giving up.

And I have felt very close to those dark waters of just wanting to walk away from everything that I've known and claimed to have hope in for so long. But isn't this the best place to be? Open to what God has in store for me and simply being willing to TRUST?

While I hate being in this spot of "trying again", I am grateful for the hope and grace and the possibility in what tomorrow holds.

And again....

So again, I find myself reflecting on HOW ON EARTH I am AGAIN totally irritable, totally worn out, totally defeated in the sense that I feel unhappy and agitated at everything and everyone.  It is, of course, the end of the school year, and for those connected to public schools education, you know the treachorous terrain known as the END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.
  And I am sad that I feel that I am NOT the person I began this year as....I am NOT the person I had hoped to be at the end of the school year....I am NOT myself.  I know this. I can feel this in every sense of my being.
  I have lost direction. I have stopped asking for direction. 

  It is time to have hope again.

  It is time to renew, refocus, and rediscover what there is to be truly grateful for again.

Enjoy what today holds....

A repeating thought, off and on, in my heart and mind lately has been to enjoy what I have NOW.  Being a high school teacher, I know that it will not be long until my kids, who are all elementary ages or younger, will be zooming through their four years of high school.  I woke up this morning and thought about how Logan, who will be ten year old this summer, has lived more than half the amount of time that he'll probably reside in my house, assuming that he moves out for college when he is eighteen.

  A friend of my wife and mine has a daughter that turned eleven this week. Eleven?!?!  Where is time going?!?!?

  So the other day, when my brother Tim "facebooked" me about going sledding on a mid-Winter holiday, I knew that I had to put aside my qualms about having to carry Sawyer up a hill, which would most likely destroy my back.  I had to not think about that cold, sharp window scratching my face. I had to find a way to go. Not just for spending time with my kids, I also wanted to hang out with my brother, Tim.  I have allowed life to become a raging river in the deep canyons of busy-ness.  It has been totally my choice, and it is not that I am not enjoy the many things I participate in. I love directing drama, working with the youthgroup, going on trips with my family. Still, I'm feeling that call to SLOW DOWN.

  So on Monday, February 21, 2011, Tim, myself, Logan, Sawyer, Quaid (Scout was at a friend's birthday party), Abby, and Grace all ascended the mighty (little) hills of Palmer Park in Port Huron.  We descended the hills a few times, wearing in NEW tracks into the hills. Not suprisingly, the kids became more interested in playing "snow war" on the outdoor jungle gym than sledding.  Afterwards, we headed to Tim Horton's for donuts and hot chocolate.

  These are the days I love and cherish.

50 NEW Recipes Challenge- #7 Garlic Crusted Chicken from Jamie Oliver's

I pretty much stink at keeping up with my little challenges.  Nearly a year ago, I became convinced that I could cook and blog about fifty (50) NEW recipes.  I've always loved to cook, but my skills were mainly confined to El Ortega Taco kits and short order cook extroardinaire (I cook some mean hamburgers or grilled chicken.) 
  My love for cooking stems from time with one of the GREAT cooks I knew, my grandma  Russell. Well, as with other challenges I did not do so well in keeping up with the challenge. I DID cook a number of new recipes, but I did not keep up with my blog. 
  Fall 2010, with the hectic nature of my schedule, saw a slump in home cooking.  Now that my schedule is slightly slowing down, I'm hoping to be more in the kitchen. Last night I returned with a Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution cook book. 

It was an "interesting" experience.

The recipe called for a coating mixed up in my NINJA food processor.... unsalted crackers, garlic cloves, lemon rind, parsley, and butter.  The lemon rind was my first challenge because I have never done anything with lemon rind.  I actually had to google what this lemon rind thing was all about. Using a potato peeler, I peeled the yellow "rind" part off the lemon. 

  After processing the coating for the chicken,  I had to pummel the chicken breat filets with my "cooking hammer". I was suppose to (and usually) put the chicken into a plastic bag, but wanting to keep moving, I just whacked the heck out of that chicken with bits and pieces flying around the room.
  After the chicken was prepped, the "fun" began.  The chicken is suppose to take a "voyage" from a plate of flour (being entirely covered) to a bowl of beaten eggs to a plate with the parsley/garlic/crackers mixture.

I NEVER do well with coating chicken.  By the time the flour and egg are "coating" the chicken I already have a huge mess on me, the floor, the counter.  Then, I'm suppose to COAT THE CHICKEN WITH THIS GREEN, CRACKER, BUTTERY mix?!?!?  BUTTERY MIX on top of EGG COVERED RAW CHICKEN?!?  Somehow , I managed to somewhat "cake" the green mixture onto the chicken breast. 
  From there I lobbed, the chicken into a frying pan coated with a few dribbles of olive oil. 

  I was nervous how all this would taste (and had a battle with cooking without burning the chicken).  Surprisingly, the chicken turned out very good....more parsley tasting than garlic but still very good.

  When Logan discovered the breading was greenish (from the parsley ), after finishing off a bowl of salad WITH the chicken in it, he was done. Still, Amber and I, and the kids for the most part, enjoyed this new dish.

With a New Year....A Refreshed Focus

   I've already found the beginning hours of 2011 to be surprisingly reflective.  To sum up the events, emotions, memories of 2010 would be nearly impossible.  Overall, many hear-breaking circumstances have transformed to renewed hope.  Even with this breath of fresh life, healing hearts, I recognize that life never makes itself....PERFECT.  I also believe that what is really PERFECT is the PERFECTION that trials and hardships bring.
   In these infant hours of a new year, I've reflected on the reality of who I really am.  I'm committed to really plant my heart and soul into what I TRULY believe in.  More and more lately, I've reflected on the fact that were given one life.  What do I want to accomplish with this life?
   And it is fine to keep mulling over this question of one's purpose in life, but it is ENTIRELY different to ACT upon it....to really SEEK and MOVE towards living life with purpose. 

  I've reflected again on the need to simplify....to find that FOCUS on what's most important in life.  We can say it, but do we mean it.  It's easy to say God, my family, integrity at work, being a solid, dependable friend are my priorities, but are they really?  And again, I can sit and ponder how I am and am not REALLY reflecting these proposed priorities, but am I really doing anything about them?

  I think the larger urgency/"call to action" is to stop pondering and dissecting every morsel of the past.  There comes a time to transcend pain, transcend hurt, to look above, to simply trust, to simply trust, to SIMPLY TRUST God.

  I have often thought about what I feed into my heart and soul.....what is informing me, guiding me.  There comes a point where I cannot EMBRACE every ideology.  And I believe that recently I have really been swayed by consumerism...by what will "supposedly make my life easier....better".  I have always looked ahead to the future, the NEXT BIG EVENT...again my spirit and heart have been nudged to consider the wonder and greatness of the simplicity of today.

  May this be a remarkable year where I'm swayed by the right guidance. May the focus be straightforward, heading the direction always intended for me....."Brothers, I do not consider myself to have embraced it yet. But this one thing I do: Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead....." Phillipians 3:13.

Moving Beyond Frozen

Well, it is the second snow day in a row, so I have some of that elusive "free time".  I always find a rich irony in the fact that I teach reading and writing, encourage students to write whenever they can, and I've taken courses on writing "blogs and wikis", but when I look at the last entry, it's from nearly nine months ago.
   It's 10 degrees out right now and the wind is really stirring up the now that fell on Sunday and late last night.  Once again, we're in the midst of the busy holiday season.  All of our kids are fully into the "magic" and "wonder" of the season. We've been observing Advent with a calendar, minus the chocolates, each night.  Each door reveals a section of Scripture, mainly Luke 2 snippets.  It's been really cool to spend a few minutes discussing the magnificent importance of Jesus' arrival over 2,000 years ago.  At 36, I'm still trying to fathom the huge significance of God coming down to our human planet.

We had a visit from Santa at my brother Jon's house. It's become an annual tradition, although Santa was sick last year and only Mrs. Claus was able to stop by.  Watching the wonder and childlike innocence thaws the maturity of my own heart and reminds me of the fun of being a kid during the holidays. It was really sweet watching Logan, Scout, Quaid and Sawyer interact with Santa.

I've been thinking much about goals and dreams, God-given visions.  I was looking at the ministry of Josh Seller in Ontario...seeing all of the great and creative things he is doing for the kingdom.  Heading over to Jars of Clay's website,  I see how they have finished the building of their 1,000 clean water well in Africa.  Reading Max Lucado's OUTLIVE YOUR LIFE, I've been considering what legacy I'm leaving. 
  SELFISHNESS--While I'll write this, I certainly have not mastered it...."I'm pretty selfish."  Even in my daily procedures and choices, I realize that I'm pretty concerned about my own needs and desires.  I don't want my selfishness to dictate the type of legacy I leave behind. How often I'm focused on my own entertainment, what sounds good to eat....and I realize that there are GREATER things to devote my money, time, and dreams too.  Even directing the drama club at my school has been a consideration lately.  What is the LEGACY I'm leaving behind with the drama group?  I know the "greater good" that CAN come from directing this group, but is it really happening?  There have been shows that I felt really made a connection/impact to the audience and to the cast and crew (ANNE FRANK, LEAVING IOWA), and I'm NOT against entertaining for entertainment's sake.  Still, I worry that I'm going after what I THINK is my life's purpose and NOT God's.  Theater is great, but there are people hungry, hurting, and aching for God. Am I doing what GOD WANTS me to do??
  And I've thought a great deal about "spinning my tires in the frozen slush of life".  I feel a little bit like I"m lacking VISION, so I'm praying that God gives me a clear vision.  I don't want to just meander through life.  I know that legacy living HAS TO BE MORE than just wishing, dreaming, or talking about it....it's about living it out today.